GGM: The kitchen for an Italian, or Sicilian, is the heart of the house.

Nick: It is the only place that counts. When I was a boy in the kitchen, chopping onion, slicing garlic, I did not put the recipe together. Why was I there? Because women have the best stories. Unlike men, women tell those great stories of who had an affair with who, who left for Argentina, it was like going to the movies. (Laughter) My mom was very colorful, as well as my grandma and my aunt. I loved being in the kitchen.

I found it strange when I came to America that people only ate hamburgers and hot dogs. Most people didn't know how to make risotto, didn't know how to do a roast. Suddenly I realized it was a completely different world. For self survival, I asked my mom to give me these details in a cookbook. Within a matter of months, these books were for me, a re-alignment. I had all these different pieces but I was never in charge of a complete meal by myself and now I was. Suddenly the  moves started coming to me, the flavor base started to come out.

That must have produced a deeper connection  with your mother. I know that Sicilian, Italian, there is a connection between the mom and the son. But now you were reading her words and feeling her come off the page. You must have had a phenomenal connection to her.

I still put it in my contracts that certain months of the year I am not available. I cannot be called or have email exchanges and I cannot be counted as part of a productive interaction, because I go to see my mother. I take a month out of the year to go see my mother. It used to be my mom and dad, but my dad passed away.
When we negotiate contracts for personal appearances and endorsements for the different businesses that I do, they say that nobody puts this in writing. I state from this date to this date you have to do without me. If there are things to be done, they are either before or after, these dates I don't exist. This clause is known as the "Mother Clause" in my contracts, (We are laughing) which does not make me a smart business man, but it works for me. When I go to Italy, I'm not longer Nick Stellino, the internationally renowned celebrity chef, I'm little Nick.
I take my mom to shop, we go to the market, spend time with my aunt, I'm a little boy. I'm little Nick again and she treats me as if I'm 12 years old. I don't mind so much.

How old is she?

She's not that old, she's only 75.

She's the age of our parents.

She's spry, but physical things are catching up with her and that makes me very worried. After seeing what happened to dad, I know what this will lead to. She is still defiant.

She's a Sicilian mother.

No, she's Venetian. She's a tough broad, I'll tell you that.

What does she think about Nick Stellino 'the Chef?'

Initially, she was not too happy about it. In the context of the socio-economic development, you are two generations ahead, and there is an expectation. There was a sacrifice to go abroad, you will succeed and become somebody. The expectation may not be spoken in so many words, but you feel the weight on you. If you choose to leave the nucleus it has to be for a good reason. When I left, I gave a huge disappointment to my family. I did not continue the family business. I did not continue the family tradition. When I came to America, I first became a successful stock broker and then I reverted to a manual laborer. 

When I first started in the kitchen, I was a dishwasher. The family thought I lost all my marbles and had become stupid and crazy. Funniest part is, I basically did exactly what my father did, unbeknownst to me until much later. My father had obtained a working permit to come to America on a boat in January of 1958. He did not go because he found out earlier that I 'was coming.' (he winks) I came in May that year. My father's work permit said chef, which was not true, but you said and did anything you could to come to America. If he had to, he would have gotten into the kitchen and cooked.

But he forgot that part of it. And if he did remember, I think he couldn't believe that this had happened. So a generation later, exactly what he had articulated in his dreams, became true in me. A strange joke of destiny, where you think you are the one making the plans. You think you are the one taking this action, and really, you're part of something bigger than you, you wonder about the choices that you make. What if, what if not.
So here I was, a glorified salesman. I could sell anything, anytime and now I'm washing dishes. People are looking at me as if I'm a failure. While I was in the kitchen though, I was ambitious. I was looking at how everything was working. 

(Lou) We have a lot in common, you and I.

He nods, "I was taking notes in my head. How do you work with the food? How's the mis en place done? If people didn't feel like working the line, I'd do the dishes and make the salad. You needed help because someone didn't show up? I'd do this and then I'd do that.  
The thing is, one thing you do because you have to, the other you do because you love it. I would do it. I would see that these chef skills that I had, were hidden even from myself, and they were coming out. I could cook for 10 or 20 people. To organize a restaurant, a concept, a flow, a menu. The ability to repeat in large numbers, delivery of a signature (dish). Those are things that I became keen on as I moved up the line. I moved quite fast. In a matter of two years I was running a restaurant on my own.

That's very fast. Without formal culinary education?

Most people will see the inside lane, while I am a man of angles. Everything is based on angles, leverages and processes. I'm also a man with a very realistic approach. If I see something and that's where I want to go, that's where I will lead you. Planning for it, preparing for it, going after it. I have a single beam of light focus. That's all that I think about. That's what became important to me. I wasn't making money. In fact I didn't care about it. 

(Lou)As I said, we've lots in common. 

I made quite a bit with Merrill (Lynch) and it was running out. I had to focus. There were truly a lot of lucky circumstances that I was able to take advantage of. I found myself  at the right place at the right time.

It was on a Sunday, my day off from the restaurant, on a date with my wife. I was the head chef, the restaurant doesn't exist any more, it was in Los Angeles on Wilshire Blvd. By then I had worked with big national names: Drago, and some chef's exploding on the scene. I made it from line cook to chef de cuisine, so I really had a skill. Justin wanted me orginally to go with him in a new restaurant, to open and run it with him, and this opportunity came. I figured I wanted to be my own man and run my own show.

Anyway, on this Sunday the owner was an ill-mannered man unfortunately. A kitchen moves, it has a flow, the guys got very mad at him, which they had a right to, and they walked out on him. So, he calls me. He's saying, "The restaurant is full, they walked out, you've got to come and help me, you've got to talk to them." I turn to my wife and say that "I'm afraid there won't be a restaurant to work in if this guy keeps it up."

I go and the guys are sitting outside and I mediate a peace. I was in a suit and I took my jacket and tie off and went inside, put on an apron and started to work. My wife was working in the front. We put the owner in the office, away from the public, as he was having a particularly bad day.

Later, my wife (Nanci) gets this call and it goes something like this. "Is the chef Italian?" She says "Yes he is." "Does he speak with an accent," she answers "Yes he does." The guy says "I'd like to come to the restaurant tomorrow at 10:00 o'clock to film a commercial." He says he wants to get names for the commercial. She says "Sure."
Now when she comes and tells me in the kitchen I am convinced that this is another one of my friends, with whom we always play practical jokes. He is known as the king of practical jokes and I had a few coming due to me.

The next day I'm showing the guys (in the kitchen) how to cut a whole fish so we can do it ourselves. I've got guts all the way up my arms and this camera crew shows up. I'm thinking son of ***** these guys (his friends) aren't fooling around. (He has a broad grin as he's recalling this story.) So when they tell me to do something crazy, I'm like this madman, flying off the wall.  Everybody's laughing, I'm laughing and they say, We'll call you, we'll definitely call you." I'm saying, "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure." 

Four days later we get a call from New York and they say that I need to go, because I'm one of the finalists. I said, "Okay yeah, why don't we do this. You guys take care of the hotel, you take care of the plane and I'll come over there, and have a car waiting for me at the airport to pick us up." I'm looking at my wife and I say, "This will stop, they will not go through with this joke," because I was still sure it was a joke.(Cont. next colomn)

(continued)

He says, "Sure, everything has been arranged, the tickets are waiting for you at the airport. Please bring your wife and come and see us." I figured, they (my friends) want to give me a vacation, I'll take it. It was when I got to the J Walter Thompson Agency and I realized, "Oh my gosh, this is for real, this is not a joke." 

I became really scared. They took a 5 minute shot of whatever it is that I'm supposed to do, the tomato sauce was Ragu spaghetti sauce, under the Unilever Corporation. They made the pitch and called me and said I was in. They said I had to go back to New York the following week and film the full commercial.

When I went into the studios, it was just astonishing to me, it was just natural. I never worked in front of a camera or knew what a camera was. They had set aside five (5) days for the shoot and we finished it in two (2). The guys told me it was fantastic, "You know the camera likes you, you are really at ease."

It was destiny.

I immediately told my wife, "I wanted to go into the television business." Being young and stupid is a very good thing. Now in my 50s, I don't think I'd be doing things like that again. But I'm thankful I had the opportunity in life, that it came, and that I rolled with it. I wasn't a young boy either, at the time I was 32-33. My wife said I don't know anybody. I said are you kidding me, I move millions of dollars over the phone, I make phone calls and people give me money to invest. How difficult could this be to make a TV show? Well let me tell you...

It took me two years, and 2,365 phone calls. The reason I know the number of calls and the time line is from my training in financial services at Merrill. This was before computers existed in everyday life. I ended up doing a deal with a company out of New Zealand, who traded on the London exchange. Graham Kerr's contract had been bought by them. I don't know if you remember him.

The Galloping Gourmet, we remember him well. He reinvented himself focusing on healthy cooking.

Exactly, they bought the rights to his old shows and brought him back on the Discovery Channel doing that healthy cooking show. They looked at my tape and my business plan and bought it hook, line and sinker. I said let's go 50/50, pay me a minimum and we'll share the profits together. That's how convinced I was that it would be good. That was the beginning of Cucina Amore, back in 1993.

Let's go back. Tell us how you met your wife.

(He is laughing) She almost had me arrested. I'm not kidding you. She used to work on the research team with Dr. Buckberg, Cardiothoracic Surgeon, who invented Cardioplegia, a solution used to stop the heart,and replenish it during Bypass surgeries. She was part of the research team that developed this method.
My friend, who I went to school with in Sicily, had gotten a job at UCLA med lab. On my way back to the United States, I was stopping in Colorado and was going to pick up my friend with the car. He was late, there was nobody outside. I'm one of those guys, if you're 15 minutes late you don't see me, I'm gone. I didn't want to leave him and went inside looking for him. There was all this security because of this secretive research and I show up at the desk and she's writing, I asked for my friend and she knows him. Next thing I know she calls security and has them escort me outside. Then, she was my blind date that evening. My friend had set me up with her, not knowing what had taken place. Then I went back to Sicily.

You seem to have a great relationship with Nanci.

 26 years together, she's my hero.

(Lou) I read your blog, "People ask if I'm rich."  It was very touching. It talked about someone asking you if you have a lot of money. Are you rich?
Every couple of paragraphs, they'd ask, "Are you rich?" You were very romantic and very eloquent. You said, "I look over and there she is." Everything was about this person pressing you about if you are rich. It was about money and cars and things. Every answer and paragraph finished with the line, "and she's always there." I love the way you bring that out in your writing. 

I lost more money than I ever made. (Laughing) Because I have this risk free attitude, I always think I'm conservative, but apparently I'm not. I went broke and have done it three times. Every time she's said, "You've done it before, you can do it again." It is difficult to explain to someone else. You go from modest prosperity to nothing, almost overnight in each one of the cases. The last one happening in my late 40s. It took a certain amount of fortitude. I had a horrible accident that tore my Achilles tendon, and as that happened I lost my biggest sponsors, I lost my biggest endorsement, my business went to hell and I had a complication with the healing of my heel. It took me eight (8) months to learn to walk again.
All the while I was convinced that I was going to come back and make it all back again. When I went to the banks they said, "You have nothing." I said "You never said anything when I borrowed money before. You always get it back." They kicked me out and I went back again. I went to companies looking for financing and they said, no, no.
I just refused to hear it. I had this thing in my head that I was going to make it happen. That turned out to be the biggest year I ever had. I didn't make any money until November of that year and then it all came rolling in. Now we have this company where we have an internet division and an agency division. I think it all came out of that sense that I can. At the same time I must be honest. Would I take the chances that I took in the past when I had an absence of fear? A man who is unafraid is a very dangerous man. I always like to do business with people that have something to lose. Somebody that has nothing to lose can take you to the highest point quickly, but it can also destroy you just as quickly. I think I have acquired a new sense of respect for fear.

It's funny that you say that because you were that man. Is it because you were that man in your head that you are now wary of that man?

I have interacted with people similar to me. I have this concept of a mission. If I undertake something and give my word on something, it is as good as done. We don't need to discuss it again. Until it is done exactly the way it was promised. Once a project is on, it is on. What I'm afraid of is the speculators. Those will tell you everything you want to know and move up ahead. Just as quickly as they move forward, they move backwards and sideways instead.   They no attachment to an award they were given. So to me a definition of a dangerous person has no alliance, no commitment to a purpose.

Their only purpose is the bottom line, the dollar.

Exactly. I don't find them offensive, I understand and respect them. I finally understand at the age of 52, I should know better. I should be able to recognize those things and make it my responsibility to recognize it in others.
What I'm afraid of is that fearless definition of my enemies. If I tell you we are going to be on the set August of next year and we shake hands, we're going to be there.  I don't know how I'm going to do it between here and there, I'll be on the phone everyday when I get up. Every meeting that I have will be one inch closer.

I'm a strong believer in huge diversification both in a client base and the distribution of product and revenue.

You can still think it but others will not follow. In my case speaking to you frankly, I wonder when is that nexthurdle going to come, when is the next thing going to go wrong?

LOU: The point of my question was what do you advise when there is only the one single goal?

No chance to diversify? Let me ask you this, one day you are going to be dead, right?

It could be tomorrow.

Let's not put any date. Will you remember how much money you have in the bank? No, but you will remember the life you lived, the people you loved and the things you made happen. If you can make sure that those dreams exist, I think you will live the good life.
I would like to be a hell of a lot richer than I am, I'd like to be a hell of lot more powerful
than I am. I'd like to not be traveling 175 days out of the year and be away from my wife
and my cats. But then I consider myself very lucky that I get to do the things that I get
to do. That these were dreams, 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago. Once you get them, you forget that this was what you once dreamt about. I get all these
things and I forget that they were once so important to me. When you get to this point
you want to see something else, do something different. You think you are in a hole, but think about your worse situation. 

There was a time when you couldn't move. Your physical health, which is the base of everything. Your physical health is better, you are in the company of a beautiful woman. You articulate the thoughts that you had, you are here covering this, which is not for any Tom, Dick or Harry.You've got a lot. I don't think you're here just because you look good. You have the quality, that's why you are here.

We all look for affirmation that we're walking the right walk.

It will come, guaranteed, but,when you think you're due, you won't be cashing in. When you
think you should have, it will not come your way. When you say you can't do it anymore,
you'll be picking up the phone again and making the same phone call and calling somebody
else. 

This has nothing to do with monetary success, that's not what I'm talking about.

I don't need nobody, I have the most important thing that I need, my wife. I really don't give a darn. But I still like to know that I'm good. I still like to know that I mean something, that I am relevant. Any other man that tells you different is lying.

With my wife, I had a blind date with her, and my job at the time was with an ad agency in Denver. I worked there for a few months and I said, I met this girl, she's special and I get a job in a place where she cannot be. We had a long relationship via letters. I liked her more than just a kiss. Several telephone calls and special dates. I told myself that I really felt something special about her. I wasn't crazy about the job, but I was crazy about her. I wanted her to meet my family so she went with me to Sicily. 

I told her when I came back that I wanted to make a life together. So I quit my job in Denver and took a job to be closer to her. When I told my father he was not really hip about it.

The job I took in Los Angeles to be with Nanci was a market research analyst for an insurance company. I started at the bottom. I would listen to people from Shearson, Merrill, etc make their presentations about products.

Elaine: Is she Italian? (Nick shook his head no) No, I see, but old world Italians wanted their sons and daughters to marry an Italian.

Lou: So at that time, was your dad still mad at you being here (in the US) and then you introduce Nanci?

He was happy that I was here and that I would be going back. However, he realized after I told him about my plans with Nanci, that I was never going back to Sicily. When we went to visit, he realized I wasn't going to continue the family business and I brought home this non-Italian girl....he made it tough. He said, "I gave you an education, and you want to stay in America, you're on your own." I had no money. I said, "Okay, I love you but I'm going to make my life here (US)."

So you take a job in LA to be with Nanci, why financial services? 

I didn't understand half of the things they were telling me, but here they were driving Mercedes and Porsches and I'm driving this broken down Renault. I'm saying to myself that something is wrong here. I asked to meet their boss and they accommodated that request. When I met with him, I told him, "I can sell more than they are, I want a job with you. What do I need to do?"
He said, "That's a way to be forward. What you need to do is....."  I went through all the interviews, meetings, trials they had and made a selection to be in the district I was in. They hired me and I had to study for a year to get the licenses. The last series I took was in New York and I lived there for 2 months. I worked on the exchange, not that I was special, everybody had to work on the exchange. Then I was shipped back to California.

They give you a phone book and they say, go make the calls. That's what I did.
It took me 7 1/2 years, but back then I had $55 million dollars under management. For a kid 30-32 years old, that was a lot of money back then. Then my uncle passed away and I think that is what changed for me. He was my favorite uncle. Big robust, strong man, died of cancer. I went to see him that last month of his life and I came to realize that I'm going to die too. I didn't like it.

I gave up quite a bit try my hand at music, I understand.

Yes, then you do understand. 

My family thought I was crazy, but I hated going to work everyday.

As did mine. I quit, I really didn't have an idea of what to do. I said to my wife, "We have some money, I want to go buy a restaurant."
She said to me, "Not for nothing, but shouldn't you at least work in one first, to see if you like it?" (Laughting by all) I said ,"Great idea, I'll go get a job as a chef tomorrow." Strange as it was, I got a job as a chef. The guy gave me the job on the spot, because I was very enthusiastic. It's one thing to cook for 20 people at home, it's another thing to run a restaurant. It's a different world, organizing the mis en place, for example.
The guy hires me and asks where did I work before (in a thick French accent). I say "No where." He asks me if that's the name of a restaurant. (laughuing) Mind you he's already hired me.
He got so mad, he pushed me out, kicked me down the stairs, he was totally pissed off. He asked if I was a crazy Italian, was I trying to steal from him, cheat him (all in that thick French accent). Note: Here is Chef Nick, who has an Italian accent, doing a French accent. It was quite amusing to say the least.

I said to him, you have two ads, one for a chef and one for a dishwasher. I'll pay you $5 bucks a day if you let me wash dishes. He said, "I'll take your money you crazy Italian."

You paid him, well you offered that to him?

No, I paid him. I paid him $5 bucks every day that I showed up at work. The point is I made out like a king. He was getting a dishwasher for free, I was getting education for free, well $5 bucks a day.

It was like culinary school.

Better than culinary school, they don't tell you how to run a place. What do you do when you mess up the food order? How do you set up a mis en place for a salad? How do you create? How do you entertain? How do you?.....I was right there!  The chef he hired wasn't always focused and paying attention. Pretty soon I was basically running the place. The owner was French and hated French people. I love French people, I can speak a little. He says (with French accent), "Hey Neek, we would loves to geeve you zee job."
I said it would be a pleasure, but the$ 5 bucks I've been paying you, I want it back. His response, "Okeey, okeey, noooo problem." It had 50-60 seats, but I figured I could not grow there, so I went back to Italy, to places I used to eat. They said I could stay with them a week, I did a series of stages, not getting paid.

Then I came back to Los Angeles and worked all sorts of positions, honing my skills. I started running around different restaurants, Drago, Rosies....I did one year in one, one year in the next, and then this opportunity came to run a family style restaurant, not high end.

Let's talk about TV. I have to assume that you were offered to switch from PBS (Public Broadcasting System) to go to another station. Yet you stayed with PBS.

Because I own my name, I own my shows, I own my properties and I'm nobody's employee.

You chose that over the dollars that might have come your way.

Do you remember the names of the people who were popular when my show first came out? Some yes but, "Are you building a car to go around the block or are you building a car to go across the world?" That was my vision then. In the process I had to start articulating a different set of thinking rules. If I need to produce the show and be king, I have to own it and I have to pay for it. How do I pay for it?

Sponsors

So you start building infrastructures. If you are going to ask someone for 300,000 or half a million dollars, how am I going to make the money back for them? Then I started thinking as a businessman. I'm going to give you this much for the media exposure and then I started designing campaigns and strategies. Then I'm meeting with people who want to distribute on the east coast. I'm saying to them asking them and sit down to tell them that I have an idea. Next thing you know I become and ad agent. If you look at my sponsor page on my website, you will see the results of the years that I fought and I sold. The money that I made from those ideas, I produce the show.
I don't have any network that comes to me and says, Oh we feel..... " You want to go to the TV Foodnetwork? Expect a producer to be there saying, "The hair the way you have it... I don't like it this way. The way you talk, I don't like it."

I bought my freedom that way. Once I bought my freedom, I wanted to be smart and keep it and I became a businessman again.

Do you do what we do? Call up and say, "Hi, we want to talk to you?"

Now, I'm ahead of the game and people come to me. I have a long track record. They hear about some things that I've done and they ask me what exactly is it that I do. But I still do this by myself and make a lot of calls. I chase to get to the decision maker and get many no's.  My life is a siege that starts at dawn, stealing a line from Jerry Maguire, but most applicable to my endeavor. The difference is someone else will stop making the calls. I'm a beast, I was trained to be a beast.

(Lou) That comes from our financial background.

Yes

Take for example Andrew Zimmern, someone we mutually know said he was a really great guy. I sent him an email. It's about relationships. It's also about making the call.

I'm a pompous ass by nature. But, I strive to do a better job. I do it by design and with purpose. I figure this is my lot in life, and I want to be the best that there is. The best in my world is not to be the best chef, I'm really no longer a chef that runs a restaurant. I'm an entertainer and a communicator. If somebody asks me about a melting temperature, I want to know what it is. If somebody asks me how to get this flavor, I want to know how to explain it.
I've been cooking forever, if you explain it to you right with all my jokes and everything, you've just learned something. I just made it fun. That is truly what I do.
The other people will give you great classes and great food. When I do festivals, I check out the other acts and I ask, "How in the hell do they get a job here? How do they make it on TV?"
The point is, if you put a monkey on TV, the monkey will be famous. But I am also keenly aware of my limitations.

That makes you smart.

When somebody tells me they can do everything, I'm scared. I like it when somebody tells me, "I really don't know how to do this." I'm not as concerned because I know they'll figure it out.When someone tells me don't worry about, then I start to worry. I don't like to be in anyone's debt.

Let's go back to why you stay at PBS. I like that you own yourself.

The show is my hobby. I don't make money on the show.

You produce the show.

When I produce the show, we do it like the movies. We have four (4) cameras. You see the angles? My food shots incorporate many styles, not just my own. When you see something sauteed you can see the little bubbles that the meat is picking up. We zoom right into it.
I have a crew that has been working with me 14 years, we move like a machine.
I do the show for my own personal joy. That is not how I make my money.  I make my money selling endorsements, strategies, consulting, allowing people to use my name and my image, recipes, licenses

Most people will be surprised to hear that. The automatic assumption is, you're on TV you're rich. Others in the business have told us likewise, they have taken pay cuts, and lost money to do TV.

When I chose this route, I chose how long do I want to be around? I want to be my own industry.

The Nick Stellino brand, not Nick Stellino the chef.  You are self-published.

Yes, I am self-published. My Clients lease me they don't own me. You don't stay this long in the business if you are one of those guys that talks and doesn't produce.

I am of the opinion that you don't want to take the short end of the deal in a negotiation. I should of done more or I could have done more. When I show up, I don't show up with wine. If that's what I agreed to it's going to be a masterpiece. The day after tomorrow, people will say that this (his cooking class) is the best thing they've ever been to.
My wife says I am over ambitious about everything, but striving to be the best, to win isn't about being better than someone else. I hold myself to a high standard, it's all that I have. Then I can make peace with that.

Do you get that from your father?

I must, but I think my ambition came from America. I was find strange, is that I did not ever think I was ambitious. Friends that I went to college with, and hadn't seen in 30 years, came to visit and they told me I was the same in college. So maybe my memory is selective.

(Lou)People have described that trait to me, about myself, as an agenda. I find that to be a negative connotation. You're a very compassionate guy. We've seen you tear up when talking about your mother or your father. How do you balance the ambition with the compassion, because sometimes they don't mix?

If you have a victory where you've destroyed your opponent, it's not a victory. Victory is bringing people to your team and making them part of your team because they want to be part of the team. What do you recognize as the purpose of entering any activity? Money has to be a factor otherwise you don't pay our bills.

That's functioning/surviving.

When you go and pay for something because you feel it's worth it. You have to have people feel it's worth it.

How do you decide when to draw the line?

You have to look at the bigger picture and what can come down the road. It builds trust, we understand each other, and they respect you much more.

Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?

(Cont. next column)

In 5 years: I'd like to design my own watch and have it marketed worldwide. I'd like a series of licensable products under my own name, like sauces, olive oils, that are sold to supermarkets. I'd like to travel less than I am doing right now and still have my television show, in Europe, the US, South America, Africa and be the most successful show in China.

In 10 years: I'd like to own the Chinese market in terms of recognition of a TV personality and expand my licenses there.

Why China?

China is the new world. China is the new America. It's a very difficult cowboy land and hard to get an agent. I'm in Africa, all of South America, Canada, United States. My agency business is starting to grow a little bit on its own.
I can get sick, become old, lose my appeal on television and become something of the past. You see that a lot with actors. They're hot, they're hot, they're hot and then they disappear.

I consider myself a character actor who has lasted for 14 years and continuously employed and highly recognized. The question that I asked you before, "How many do you remember that I started out with?" The names don't come to mind because they don't exist any more. People look at me and say, "I know you." Whether I'm fat or thin, with or without the pony tail, doesn't matter. I like to be able to make this happen.

Where does the watch come into play? That is the biggest symbol of time.

My father built this business, to take care of his family. He was gone a great deal, he was always traveling. Whenever he would come home, he would make the time to come and stop and kiss me and my brother good night.

He would wake me up and give me his watch to wind. He would tell me, "If I wound this watch, he would never stop and always remember to come home." His watch was a stainless steel Omega. When he died I had that watch completely restored. It is my most prized possession and cheapest watch of my collection. I think that is how my watch fetish began.
I equate watches with the time that I could spend with my father.
I like how they are made and they became a passion of my own.What is it that makes a person like me think they can keep time?
As time passes and goes away, what am I doing with the time that I have now? How am I making it count for something?

I have this cooking class today,  another class tomorrow, the next day flying to an event. These are the gifts that I have been given to make something happen. I want each to exceed my expectations, I want it to be special.

How do you deal with those times that you think you failed?

Pure unadulterated fear. I don't cope well with failure. There is fear, then there is rage and then, determination. When the third one kicks in, that's when I'm the most effective. Fear of being irrelevant, fear of being inconsequential, it why I work so hard on my skill.

Do you find that you hold all this to that same standard?

Yes

Are you being told that you are too hard?

Yes

That you expect too much?

Yes

How do you deal with that? I ask because I go through these same conflicts and I'm curious how you deal with them.

(Long pause) Have you talked with my wife or something? (Laughter)

We, you and I, are not special. The guy who fills the water glasses has the same problems. The guy pushing the buttons up and down in the elevator has the same problems. I think it's part of the human condition, in general how people do it. Then, some of us are lucky to be unhinged from the limitations from fear and to be able to deal with it.

You do put yourself out there.

There are some who say, "yYu're so good looking, you're so handsome, you're such a pleasant person. Please let me give you this deal." 

But you haven't answered the question, how do you deal with those that you expect the most from?

With my family, it is forgiving. You cannot make them what they cannot be.

Those that I work with in a professional manner, are those who I pay, and those who pay me. Those who I pay, if I'm going to have them work with me again, I cannot express my feelings with the fortitude I'd like or in a scattered, miserable, harsh manner, because they will take a job with someone else. You are only as good as the team that you can put together. So I articulate my self-censoring skills, and deliver words that I want in a way that is acceptable and does not insult them. Rather it makes them think of how they could have done it better and how I want  it to go.

For those who pay, me I have now accumulated, what I refer to as, the hell with you money. I have a much more colorful description, but I won't use it here. So now, I deploy the sense of security which I did not have before. I can afford to do it. I hope it stays like this for a long time. I have only used it a few times. There's always a scheming sense of working in my head of what is the right thing. I don't explode, I do not yell, I'm not a screamer. I do not like to put people down.

I like for people to follow me because it's better for them, because they want to and because they like to feel like part of a team. I'd rather be part of a team then just one. My TV set is team that's like one. The hardest moment was a photograph, I was the only one who understood, it was the last recipe of the season. The photographer, understood what was happening and she took the picture. What I wrote down is exactly what I was thinking.
I knew after this all I had left was the marketing, editing, back on the road, getting the money.

It is a very poignant picture.

We, Itallians, have this unbridled enthusiasm for all things that are life driven to the point where people want to be part of it. If the guy is so happy and driven by it, I've got to be a part of that.

You have a passion to experience everything.

I'm here, I cannot quit. This is what I worked for. It was an incredibly keen moment in life. Italians have that in spades, whatever we get into, whether it is cooking or making clothes. There is an infectious joy. Even in the way that you are running your magazine. At the end of the day it is about your relationship with your readers. The relationship you have with the people that you interview, who make the time to share themselves with you and them. They want to make that experience relevant.
You can make a telephone call and bring 10 people together with relevance. Not any Tom, Dick or Harry can get that done. These are things that you don't go to school to learn. These are accomplishments you should be proud of.
I take pleasure in the small accomplishments of my life, the little ones, because they lead to the big ones. I'm afraid I won't get to be as big as I wanted to be. That's my biggest fear, but then again I'm also aware of the question, "Do I want to be big?"

Having to have bodyguards around you all the time.

Yes, you hit it perfect. I want to make money enough to just let me do what I want to do. For example, if I leave TV tomorrow, it wouldn't bother me in the least. There are others who live for the moment of fame. If somebody comes to say hi when I'm taking a walk with my wife it bothers mea bit, but I am never rude to my fans.  I tell my wife,"These are the people who bought you the house, the car, and I make sure that I respect them. You can't send them away. At the same time I don't want that "Look, look, there's a star." To me a photographer is a headache.
If I was to live in an ideal world, I'd write my stories from home and never leave and not go out. (Louis is laughing and looking at Elaine)

(Lou) I want to get on the boat and the laptop and I'm happy. (Elaine) Stop encouraging him Nick ! I need people.

I understand. You and my wife are the same.

How do you make peace with that?

She is part of the half and I do whatever she needs to make sure that she is happy.

(E)She's like me and likes to be out.
(Lou) And you have to balance that.

I do a lot of things with her that I wouldn't normally do on my own. I'm sure there's a helluva lot of stuff she doesn't care to do with me, but she does. I'm not easy to live with. You have to make an effort. There are people in relationships that would like to shoot each other. I wouldn't shoot my wife, I love my wife.

(Lou)You hear that phrase that marriage is 50/50. My mother always taught me that if you're giving 50 you are only giving half. Marriage is 100/100.

I don't skimp on my wife. She's my best friend, she has my best interests in mind. We're together 26 years and I expect to be together another 50 if God gives me that gift. Whatever it is, it is the only one thing that I ever got right. The rest I can still work on, this one is perfect

What is one of your most memorable moments in the kitchen?

I did an event in Newport, Rhode Island, at The Rosecliff, the mansion used in 1974 film The Great Gatsby, for a very large corporation. The whole dinner was based on dishes of my mom and my grandma. As the evening came to a close, I stepped outside to get some fresh air and I looked through the windows of the big ballroom and I saw all these people eating, drinking, smiling. I thought, grandma if you could only see what your grandson has done. It was one of the most incredible moments because I was in this incredible home that I knew from the movies, in an incredible part of our country. They were eating the food that I had eaten every day at home with my mom and grandma.
I didn't want to go back in. I just wanted to look through those windows and feel that moment. Here I am on the other side of the world making that happen. That was to me, one of the most proud moments that I can recall.

I don't have great moments when it involves defeating others. Those are not great moments to me when person says they love your food and another one says it sucks.

None of your successes are pleasurable to you at the expense of someone else.

There is no pleasure in that. Mind you, I am a formidable warrier, but that is never my first recourse. The new Vanity Fair, there is an article about all these huge mansions in Long Island. A hundred million dollars, 35 million dollars, and then the tragedy that is these people's lives, no children, divorces....

(Elaine)My mother philosophy is that it isn't the size of the house that dictates happiness. You can make a home anywhere and be happy.

When my wife and I first were married, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and I was extremely happy. Now I have this big home and I love it just the same but I wasn't unhappy then. How do you explain this to someone else? Not that I'd like to return to that.

You can only explain to someone else who has a connection to it. I want to give her all the best things in the world because I love her (Elaine), but if she said I want to live in the closet that would be fine with me.

You are building an enterprise, there is no need for explosive growth. Explosive growth robs you of time and management.

We're not looking for the explosive growth, but because of what we do, we have put ourselves in a postion of recognition, and these things come along unsolicited by us. These are things that we know our readers will love it, as will we.

It's obvious after speaking with you more in-depth today, much of who you have become stems from that blue book (mother's cookbook). It seems to be in your genes.

That book was part of it.

You told us that the recipe was a story about the tomatoes and why you were using them. It's a story about life.

When we interview chefs, for me (Elaine), it is all about getting to the essence of who they are. There might be influences of others that contribute to their makeup, but you are different. I'm feeling that you are a compilation of your ancestors. I'm not just getting Nick.

Really, I'm different from the other chefs?

(Elaine) Yes, so much more. Don't misunderstand, others we have interviewed make reference to their families, but there is only one other chef, to date, that comes close to how I perceive who you are, it's not the same, but similar and that is Marcus. During the course of our conversation today we have ascertained who Nick, the man, is.  However, each time we talk about a subject, there is a thread that ties you back to your mother, your father, an uncle, aunt or your grandmother. You shared about the influences of the generations before that, as much as you know about them.  Even so far as touching on the impact of the geography and the peoples of where you are from and how that affected you. This is just my personal thoughts and observations of Nick Stellino during this interview.
It's the tapestry of life, which I've read about many times, but I had yet to meet a person (other than myself and Louis) where it is so evident and part of their everyday living.  You are that living tapestry.

(Lou) I understand what Elaine is talking about. Most chefs these days have their minds on, "I'm a chef, I'm a celebrity." Many times I've said to them, "you just cook."

You remember when I told you, you can put a monkey on TV and the monkey will be famous.

(Lou) For you, it is always why I watched your show. Your passion in the kitchen transcends food. If you were standing there not using the food as a prop, which I believe it is.

It is.

I believe for you, it is more about the interaction, the story. It's the connection and the relationship between you, me and her, the food is ancillary and the vehicle to get to that connection. You've made it much more about the integrity of your heritage and the connection to your audience then any chef we've met to date.

I'm a story teller, I'm not such a great businessman, but I can feel a moment and I can make you feel it with me.